Anxiety and Realization

Anxiety is not fun. It can lead to depression, make the most fun person want to hibernate and play things over and over until they do not want to speak. My family has a history of depression that I am always aware of. Some days getting to a destination is the hardest thing to accomplish. I use to mask it by drinking but have been sober for a little over a year. I honestly never thought of it as a goal for sobriety but a need to just not have to run away anymore. It made a larger commitment to helping others as a medium ethical because nothing would alter my perception and I wouldn’t be dependent on something other than my faith in God to get through things and receive messages. I prayed more and really talked to God as a friend, daughter in all times of need. In the Bible those who hear see God are prophets but if not based on religion, you’re a medium. One is condemned and questioned, one is not. I’m the same girl I have always been. Share too much, don’t feel comfortable in large groups unless I’m working, hard to make small talk but deep conversations about life and goals warms my heart. I am told at school, kids think I’m mean. In life, I’ve found that the journey means that everyone must play the part of all roles at some point or another. Some will love me, some I will help, some I will betray and others be an angel. For some, I’m too much. Without our own conscious thought to play those roles, we have to learn the lessons that come with them. Some relationships and events hurt and others have given me wings. I don’t question the events so much as the lessons that fall out of them. Constantly learning.

Support is everything as well as empathy for behavior and declines for invitations and concise texts. It takes some time to be able to get back in the game with anxiety and depression as well as understanding what makes oneself tick. If you struggle as well, I’m sending you love and light. Know you’re not alone.